Something profound or NOT!

I've taken on this title: Spiritual Director. Often it sounds so important and meaningful and most definitely something to live up to. And in attempting to live up to the name, I am called to live life in a higher order, seeing Truth where others see pain and suffering, seeing potential and possibility where others see limitations and failure. I'm not bad at it and some would say that I'm even pretty good.
HERE COMES THE BUTT(yes two t's)
Sometimes the best I can do is get up in the morning shake off my previous day, laugh at myself and start again.
I have to tell you that life without a sense of humor, life can have a very  limiting experience. Thank God I do not take myself too seriously. Thank God I have learned that I can survive failing to get back up without too many bumps and bruises and than try all over again. Thank God I am no longer afraid of failing because I know that that fear is what scares most people away from trying. And truth be told, the fear of failing is worse than the failing itself.
I think my close friends and family members have probably been watching me for years now, shaking their heads, and wondering: What the &%$@? All I can say is, I hope they had a good laugh.
Yes, I do get up again, try again and risk failure ALL THE TIME. I would like to be a lot better at many things; but it is what it is and I am what I am. Here, naked, (metaphorically), available and often completely oblivious - hence - needing a great sense of humor.
May you laugh at yourself this holiday season, may your heart open wide, remain open and find lots and lots of room for lots and lots of love but mostly may you Laugh Out Loud at yourself at good times and tough times.
Peace

I love TEENAGERS!@&%

I love teenagers. I do, I really do, I love my teenager. I love the mood swings, the dirty looks. I love that he really does always know more than I do. I love being there for him whenever I possibly can and changing my schedule to be in service to him, he’s my son after all. And then I love being able to practice non-attachment as he show’s me that I need to give without any strings. Of course I shouldn’t expect some extra cooperation or mutual support, that would be manipulative on my part – wouldn’t it.


If it wasn’t for having a teenager or even just being a mother to any age child, I might make the mistake and think that I actually deserved some FUN and FREE TIME. It is so good to have that little reminder living in my home to keep me straight. And god knows without being a mom, I might think too highly of myself as I attempt to embrace my role as Spiritual Director of an active, growing, vibrant community. Without being a mom, I might actually attempt to solidify more of my dreams and visions and who knows what would happen if I was able to embrace a greater experience of success. That would take time away from car pooling and shopping for that new shirt before a party or running out to get a gift for that party that I didn’t know was scheduled.

So I am grateful for my son keeping me grounded and available to a side of God and spiritual practice that can only be found as a single mom of a teenage boy. Yes, between this teenager and my other two sons, my skills for being authentic are always being honed and refined and just to think I don’t even have to pay for a therapist or a coach to enjoy the fruits of this task.

Have I earned my way into heaven YET? Love your kids because they make you strong and their love truly is fierce, even when it looks a little funky.

Chop Wood, Carry Water

If you knew me before now, in high school, as a young adult and young mother, as someone struggling to get through life. . .

If you saw me making my mistakes, mistake after mistake. . .

If you saw me throwing back shots of tequila and staying out late. . .

If you were close enough to watch how I miraculously made my life work by keeping my home in decent order, putting food on the table, getting my children off to school, having my life appear as normal, creating birthday and holiday experiences and always working –and all of this while being depressed and not plugged into Spirit. . .


Then you witnessed a woman holding onto life by the skin of her teeth and you probably would never have confused me with being a faith-filled, spirit guided individual. I wasn’t. I didn’t have Source then. I was alone.


OH BUT NOT. . .


Now in my quiet moments, I acknowledge my Beloved in this way – and no I am not some radical religious freak – I just love God.


To my Beloved,

I wake in the mornings and I just want to crawl inside your skin, sweet Spirit.

I ready myself to lose my identity as Michelle and be seen only as you, seen only in your reflection.

I make room for you in my thinking, my breathing, and my awake moments and when asleep.

And when I feel lost or alone or confused – it is you that I turn to, you that I love, you that I lose myself in, my Beloved.

I guess this is why I love the writings of Rumi and Hafiz, they so loved God.
So now, I keep my home in decent order, put food on the table, get my youngest off to school and my eldest off to the train station, my life IS normal, still creating birthday and holiday experiences and yes, I work a lot – but now I am full, alive and fully expressed. And you would probably not recognize me, I know that I don’t.

So as the saying goes: Before Enlightenment, chop wood carry water. After Enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. (not to imply I am fully enlightened but the journey is sweet and so much fun)

To be called TEACHER

I am so incredibly blessed to take on the title and mantle of teacher. Being a mother and a teacher are the two most rewarding roles that I could serve in my life. Both of them however are riddled with complications and other interesting elements.



Being a mom isn’t always a breeze, it is filled with worry (if you subscribe to it) and upset and a mélange of emotions that you don’t even know you have until you are feeling it. It is kind of like exercising and then finding muscles that you didn’t know you have. It has become very evident to me that my pleasure of being a mom can easily be sabotaged by my own demands and expectations. I see where my upset is born and the reality is most of the time it is just because I am busy wanting something to be what it is NOT.


Now being a Teacher has this whole other dimension to it and that dimension is: objectivity. Similar to both parenting and teaching, one of the greatest pleasures is being a witness to someone’s growth. As a teacher, I can sometimes almost feel guilty at the amount of pleasure I get in watching live time transformation. The beauty of doing this for so many years now is with my experience I am enjoying increased confidence which benefits each student who is in my classroom and within reach of my influence. Guiding these students and working with them to support their transformation happens with more ease and grace then ever and transformation happens in a much shorter time frame than ever.


But the temptation to feel guilty is only because I get so much more out of supporting and teaching others than they do. I am sure of this because through the time I invest in my preparation of a lesson or a Sunday celebration I am basking in material and truths and realities that are constantly pulling me to a higher state of expression. Sure it is possible to keep it all very cerebral but that is not me. For me – I must grow, I must expand in consciousness and I must be always in the unfolding of my Divine Expression. If you want to be extraordinarily happy, teach. Take your expertise and give it away, whatever it is. The world will benefit but never as much as you.

The element of teacher that took some getting used to was watching the students as they grew in their friendship with each other and would leave to gather, make plans, go out but NOT with me. While I constantly fall in love with all of my students, I had to learn that I was their teacher and not their friend and this definitely took some getting used to.


So, thank you to all my students, my clients, my members. Thank you for mirroring back to me where I must grow. Thank you for the pleasure of service. Thank you for allowing me to witness your truth as you find your liberation from the collective way of thinking. Thank you for your bravery and your heart. Thank you for providing me with the opportunity to live into a new truth and bask in the glory of one of the greatest professions there is – TEACHER.

Loving my Shadow

A couple of weeks ago at my Center we viewed the new spiritual film, The Shadow Effect, by Debbie Ford. If you have never had any exposure to Debbie’s book or to the concept of Shadow Effect, I would take time to get to see this film or at least get her book, The Dark Side of the Shadow Chasers. It lays down a very good foundation of a psychological formula that has been around since Carl Jung but Debbie Ford brings it into reach both in understanding and in its practical nature for healing. (We are showing the film again at my Center this coming Friday evening, October 23rd. Check it out: www.cslnj.org) While you are on the site, check out the announcement about the workshop that is also being taught on Saturday, October 24th called: Loving the Shadow by a friend of mine who is a Debbie Ford coach.


Pros and Cons of Shadow work.


Cons: It can be very intimidating and very scary to look inside yourself to see what you see. Once in there, truths are revealed that you have systematically albeit unconsciously buried so you could deal with them. If you have been in any kind of depression, I would only work with this material with the support of a coach or practitioner, someone who has done the work and truly understands. Left alone, it can be difficult to work with and don’t plain scary as I said earlier.


Pros: If you would like to live your life being fully alive, fully expressed, healthy, and happy, then this is the work to do. Once you move past the shock of what you’ve buried and how you have projected it onto others, then all of the aforementioned becomes your beautiful daily experience. Me – I love my shadow. I love the good and the not so good. I love the nurturing, loving, tender parts of me, but I also love my witch and my bitch. Why, you might ask? Because in learning to love the all of me, and not judging the parts, I have made room for a more satisfying life experience. I’m not afraid of what I don’t see any more. I’m always willing to look inside and to be amused by what’s there.


Now I really know that YOU are not my issue. My son, my friend, my neighbor or the guy behind the counter are not the problem. Now I know that my challenges live within me, within reach, where I can do something about it. That which is inside of me is available to me and I can love it ALIVE and HEALTHY.


So yes, I love my shadow and I hope you do too.

Be the teacher

Being a teacher - of sorts - must be what was always mine to do. I say this because it is probably the ONLY thing in my life that has come easy, that I have never felt intimidated by, that I didn't have to build up my confidence around and that I was fairly good at from the beginning. I know many teachers, all different in their approaches and all very good at what they do. I’m not trying to say that I am the best at what I do compared to anyone else, I’m simply saying that for me in my world, I am absolutely satisfied for what I bring to the classroom and for what my students receive from me.


I LOVE to teach. I love the mind of the new student and I love the mind of the more experienced student. BUT what I love most about teaching is how much I learn. My learning of any subject that I am currently teaching is quadrupled by the act of teaching it. By being the teacher, I must know my subject matter, I must be prepared. During the time of contemplating my subject and how I would like to bring the subject alive in my classroom, I get to live with the material, ponder it, apply it and often move more deeply into the lesson.


Teaching teaches the teacher. I remember reading somewhere many years ago that the best way to really learn something was to teach someone what you’ve just learned – a willing listener of course. The article said to teach the subject matter within 24 hours of hearing it and it would solidify itself in you. I have put this to practice and I do find it to be true.


Many of my most significant moments, realizations and self-discoveries have come while preparing for a class, workshop or Sunday Celebration. So here is what I have to say about this, if you really want to get a lesson deep inside of you be the TEACHER. Share what you’ve learned from your enthusiasm especially if it was life changing for you. It doesn’t have to be in the classroom, it simply can be a phone call with a friend. This way, you will always be the best student, because the material will take hold inside of you.


Enjoy. Teach.

Happy Anniversary to our Center

Seven years of work,
and joy.
Seven years of growth,
and resistance to growing.
Seven years with some pain and tears,
and seven years of reaching to God
and prayer partners for support.
Having good income.
Having terrible income.
Getting paid and NOT - whew, glad that's over.
Seven years of serving the Science of Mind and God
and the members and the organization,
all of them satisfying - hum.
Seven years of learning what I'm good at,
and what I'm not so good at - and learning to accept both.


Yes, seven years ago, a small band of us gave birth to a new
and beautiful idea. I would not have wanted to do anything else.
Thank you to everyone who ever did anything to support this idea.
Today I am feeling very blessed to be a minister and to called to serve.

Miracles are real although they are not miracles at all.

Back when . . .

Many years ago for sometime – I’m not avoiding telling you how long, I simply don’t remember – I was in therapy. I don’t remember ever really getting all that much from it except I did absolutely love my psychologist at the time; mainly because I felt safe with him and feeling safe with any man was not my norm back then.


Now . . .

At this time, many years out of therapy and many years studying the Science of Mind and inducing Spirit through my spiritual practices, I find that now my life is richer, more beautiful and much, much healthier. I am more emotionally and spiritually healthy then ever and most of the time I am just plain happy even if the outside world does not reassure me that all is well. Happy, I have learned, is very much a choice and not the result of being prosperous or in love.


Recently my thirty-one year old son moved back into my house for an undetermined amount of time. I was only too willing to make space for him once again both in my heart and at the hearth. What I also knew was that he left as a young man but returned as a man and I needed to remember that and treat him accordingly with all the appropriate respect of an adult. I, well we, both knew that that there would be some challenges. (Initally it was not looking good at all, I admit, I was concerned.)Thank God that I did, however, have faith in possibility because I know that I am not the woman I was then. I have strength and resolve now that is born of my practices, my meditation and my prayers. I am no longer walking the earth in fear, not of anything outside or inside.


The other day while spending time pondering our home situation and wondering what could possibly be the source of our collective pain; I started to remember how much I had always adored him and how much I fought for him and his highest good – THAT IS UNTIL HE LEFT. Yes, at eighteen, Michael decided that the world at large was a better place to be then the sanctuary of his own home. This hit me very, very hard. I was devastated. And while I was doing all of this pondering the other day, I allowed a feeling to come up inside of me that I was unaware of for over a decade. I was harboring: You left me. Yes, silently, deeply and oh so painfully, I was hurt, angry and profoundly sad that Michael had choose to leave (me).


At the moment that this emotion was unearthed, I was able to feel it in the depth of my soul. I felt it everywhere, absolutely everywhere and I realized that I have been afraid to feel safe around him. I was working with an “objection” to him not because of who he is but because I was terrified of feeling that pain again. So here is my miracle: At the moment of this realization something shifted inside of me so powerfully that I could see that all of my current pain and fear was based on something old and just as quickly as I allowed myself to feel it fully – IT left. The feeling left. The pain left. The energy behind the story left. And immediately and dramatically EVERYTHING CHANGED. Without a single conversation or confrontation or explanation life between us and in the home became easier, gentler, sweet, cooperative and loving.


Over a week later and I am still reporting that we have experienced only Peace, cooperation and fun in the house. The moral of this story - OUR HEALING IS AN INSIDE JOB. As within, so without has never meant so much to me as this moment. I am blessed to have been guided gently through this process of transformation. Thank you Spirit.

Participating in my own success

Sometimes getting really honest with oneself can have an initial sting that goes to the core of one’s being. Working with my prayer partners often allows me the opportunity to experience this sting. The very inquiry from a friend in a safe place such as, “What’s going on for you?” can lead me into a revelation of honesty that is followed by that “sting”.

For me, living the inspired life is easy. Allowing Spirit to have its way with me is not only easy but fun and it is where I live most comfortably. I am very comfortable in the world of “I don’t know but I’ll figure it out” or when I catch a vision or inspiration, I always just say YES. And I do understand that this is frightening for many but not for me. Give me a problem to solve or ask me to create a sacred ritual or special event or throw me into an experience where I have to speak extemporaneously – ah, there I rise up and perform comfortably with ease and grace.



Now let’s look on the other hand. Ask me to get my home completely organized, to clear out my basement or my attic. Tell me to file all of my paperwork and put things in order. Suggest that I create a schedule in my own home of things that have to be done on a regular basis so my sons and I are all on the same page. God forbid I set up a system of paying bills and organize my affairs the same way that I do at the Center. Here – this is where my life falters. This is where I am not a good steward of my life. I am fairly common – unfortunately. Many of us “spiritual type” do live in this dichotomy.

But if you’ve been following my blog, what you know about me is this: I never allow good enough to be my standard. Even at my age, even with this being a pattern that has been created over time, I have declared that it will end NOW. I am putting myself on notice and declaring that my home life and all of my personal affairs will now begin to support my inspiration. I will not be at the mercy of what was. Why? Because I know better, I have experienced more than this. I have experienced the full out realization that what was does not determine what is – unless I allow it. I simply haven’t succeeded in applying it here – YET.



So right now, I will begin the process and if necessary, get whatever help and support that I need. I don’t have to do this alone. But with prayer and determination – a powerful combination – I will rise up to have a different life experience. And one of the things that I know is true about this process is that as I become this better steward, my inspired life will be free to be even more expressed and I will not have to entertain regret or guilt about it because I have done the right thing and put order in place. Okay, here I go.

These are Your Hands

Sometimes I am intrigued with myself or should I say amused by myself. I was brought up to be open-minded and loving and compassionate and God was definitely an “inside” entity so I have never had to combat the idea of an outside entity. BUT as I observe myself, my focus and attention and see where I lose myself, it continues to surprise me that God, Spirit, Life gets the greatest proportion of my time and energy. Yes, every day when Spirit is the first thing on my mind, I look back at myself and say – who are you and what did you do with Michelle? Sometimes I feel like some religious freak.

I never saw in my future me having the desire to serve Spirit, me practicing the art of surrender, me saying: THY WILL BE DONE. At celebration this Sunday, our guest musician Chanda Rule sang a song by one of my friends’, Grateful by Christie Snow. God I love her music and I love the way that Chanda and her accompanist Nick performed it. But right there smack in the middle of the song, standing in front of the entire congregation, I found myself raising my arms in praise like I was brought up in a Baptist Church. How did this happen? How did I, a self-pronounced Religious Scientist turn into this demonstrative, singing out loud, and Spirit praising woman? How?

Well, I do have one theory. Spirit in its pure form is absolutely intoxicating, accepting, loving and in a way passionate. Maybe I have just fallen in love with God and this is what my love looks like. Yea, I do believe that is it.

So with some trepidation I declare: my hands are God's hands and I am willing to be used. I am willing to love as God loves and I am willing to live life knowing, THY WILL BE DONE.

Believing in Worldwide Peace in this Lifetime.
Michelle

Jersey Girl Wisdom

For a long time now I've wanted to write a book entitled - Wisdom from a Jersey Girl, but then I think even I would even have trouble taking it seriously. I love being from New Jersey. I love who we are, how we all blend together, and I LOVE our sense of humor - yes the sarcasm.


Yes, we are a little sassy and rough around the edges but I love our edginess. The only time it doesn't work is when we are around people from other parts of this great land. But boy we are most certainly amused by ourselves. I get to travel a few times a year around this country and I get to see value coming home again each and every time.


You see, I am a minister, a Founding Spiritual Director, is the fancy name that we've given it but in the end I am a minister. Every day I am grateful for my sass and my sense of humor. Every day I am grateful for the tolerance I have for people in general and the patience that I've learned. All the experiences of my life - all of them have aided me for what I do. Growing up in an edgy, not-always-so-nice neighborhood made me strong and boy have I needed that both for my job and to handle life as a single mom.


The truth is it has even taught me to be completely appreciative of the presence of Spirit in my life especially because I got tired of trying to do everything on my own. I appreciate Spirit because I get to feel valuable with all of my faults and flaws. I have learned that I deserve every ounce of happiness that I have gleaned from all of my work and practices and simply because I AM. Because of Spirit, I feel forgiven, accepted, valued and worthy - exactly as I am and if you have known me for a long time you will appreciate this even more.


I have done harm, I have made some very bad decisions, I have hurt individuals and thank God, I feel loved anyway. So take it from a Jersey Girl who has been around the block a few times, life, Spirit, God - is always open, available and ready to forgive, love, inspire and support you - right here and now.


Love to all,
Michelle - Jersey Girl

Sometimes it's the simple things

Well I am home from Disney World and filled with memories of rides and great meals, laughs and thoroughly enjoying the company. We played hard, ate amazing meals, rested and found total restoration.
Out of all the memories that will stick out in my mind though, there is one that I will retain that happened BEFORE we even got there. As a matter of fact, we were still in the air, when I found this moment of pure inspiration.
Upon confirming our flight, I moved our seats, for my son and myself, to an emergency isle. I found out that he could not sit there because of his age so we have to be moved - TO THE BACK OF THE PLANE. Now you know who is at the back of the plane don't you? Families with LOTS OF KIDS. Nice ones, cute ones, crying ones, demanding ones - Yikes. My son reminded me that it was all good and I should relax - so I did.
We sat in a seat next to this very young African American man from Newark traveling alone with his 9 month old boy. What a sweet opportunity to be with this baby and I even got to be in service to the dad and hold his son while he went to the rest room. So I guess sitting there was perfect.
But this wasn't what was so wonderful. Sitting across the isle and in front of us was a mixed race family with four children. When the lunch was served, they were only given four meals because they only paid for four seats. My son Seth who was witnessing this turned around and offered his food to the father of those children. Can you imagine that, a thirteen year old American boy, taking time to notice this and responding so beautifully? I was moved then and I am moved now. Sometimes I am in awe of my own son, not because he is mine but because he is so comfortable in his own skin.
I am so thankful to my spiritual community, the Science of Mind teaching and the Teen Group that he has been supported by. He is clearly a product of feeling safe and accepted as he is.

A Disney Adventure

Well in about four hours we are off to Disney World in Florida. You might not think Disney is worth you reading about or me blogging about but this time it is. The “we” that I am referring to is my thirteen year old son, Seth, my ex-husband and his beautiful wife. Now this is what I want to blog about.

You see I am very, very proud of this relationship - actually we all are. We all like each other and many years ago my ex-husband's wife stopped being my ex-husband's wife and became my friend. So it is on this basis that we travel together, play together, dine together and even worship together. My ex is one of my best friends and I love that.

You see most relationships don't break up because of anything serious enough. Most relationships end because of stupidity, laziness and a lack of taking responsibility. When we blame anyone for our experience we will NEVER LOOK IN THE RIGHT PLACE FOR HEALING. No amount of marriage counseling can save a marriage if the individuals are looking outside or to the other for the answer.

My ex and I are able to have what we have because we each healed our own world - yes it is obvious, we did this AFTER THE MARRIAGE ENDED. Why, because I was being stupid, lazy and blaming HIM. The blessing is that we were dedicated enough to our sons to never tear each other apart and the healing has happened. For him the healing happened through years of study and Landmark Education. For me it was the study of the Science of Mind.

So off to Disney we go. Laughing together and sharing a fun and wonderful vacation.
I’ll write to you upon my return. Blessings to all.

Old Slippers

What is it that makes spending time with old friends so delicious? I recently have had the opportunity to reconnect with some old friends through Face Book. And last night I got to spend some time with some of them, it was sweet, delicious, and so familiar just like slipping into a pair of old slippers.

The thing I love most about being with friends from childhood and high school years is that they "get me." They do, they get me. I'm not weird or outspoken or sassy with them. With them, I'm just Michelle and it is so nice to fit right in. Sometimes it feels like I have been a duck out of water for the past thirty years.

It is good to laugh with someone who has the same sense of humor and to whom you do not have to explain yourself. It's good to have shared memories - even if you wish to forget some of them. I even love the embarrassing stories, they keep me humble. I so appreciate Sandy Glick, an old high school bud, who started hooking us all up on Face Book. It has truly been a blast.

And yes, I do love my new friends. The good thing about new friends is that they make room for your growth and newness and see you now and not limited to who you were. Here's to friends in general old and new.

Naked Bliss

Tomorrow at my Center in West Orange I am speaking about Naked Bliss. Well, you might wonder what that means and quite frankly I was wondering also. This however, is the beauty of setting a title out there and living into the title for some time prior to speaking about it. When I pick a title it is either about something that I want to know more about or about something that has recently captivated my attention and transformed my life.

Making room for this title: Naked Bliss, has taken me on a journey which has been “bliss-filled”. (I know it’s not a word.) The Bliss comes from looking for it and knowing always that what I am looking for, I AM LOOKING WITH. So this is my reality as I claim it - bliss lives and breathes in me, through me and AS ME. This is good news. Finding bliss quickens your body temple to be more and more healthy and your heart to be more and more happy.

So here is the gig – set your sails high, let the wind carry your heart and your imagination to fill all of your desires. Have a bliss-filled day.

ONE LAST NOTE!
Last week I suggested this to my congregation, see if you want to play with us. Each and every day upon waking, go to the mirror, look yourself straight in the eye and say, “This is the happiest day of my life!” Do this with great enthusiasm.
All my love,
Michelle

A weekend with Rickie & Michael

Who you might say - Rickie Byars-Beckwith and Michael Bernard Beckwith? Yes, yes, the guy from The Secret - not the best way to remember him, although he was and is always brilliant and made the movie workable in my eyes.

I just drove to upstate New York with one of my closest friends to the Omega Institute. Omega is known for its transformational programs and good food; it is also known for its not-so wonderful accommodations and so far I concur with all those findings. What I didn’t know is how incredibly beautiful the place was and how this group of conscious individuals have managed to create a center for education that is profoundly, deeply and sacredly spiritual without feeling like it was influenced by any one religion or practice. I was moved and inspired the whole weekend even with no air-conditioning and with loosing electricity for a day.

If you have never been to Omega and especially if you live on the east coast within driving distance, get there. If it is a matter of money, save your pennies and give yourself a gift as soon as possible, it is worth the effort.

Now on to Michael and Rickie. A weekend spent in the teachings of Michael Beckwith complimented with the inspirational heart opening music of his wife, Rickie, is simply one of the most valuable investments I have ever made in my life. I have been blessed to journey with them on more than one occasion and their heart and brilliance is clearly from the ONE infinite source. Michael is one constant, direct, download of intuitive intelligence. His teaching is fresh, logical, smart and heartfelt.

The direct teachings which are presented in a classroom format with plenty of time for questions and answers are offered up in a way that captures the attention of beginners and advanced students alike.

If you have an opportunity to be in the company of Rickie and Michael – do it! Go with an open heart, an open mind and the inquisitive mind of a beginner. Google them or go to their website: www.agapelive.com

The Fruits of Your Consciousness

"Prove me now herewith, saith the Lord, if I will not open to you the windows of heaven and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it!"
Malachi 3:10

You only know what you can prove! Like it or not, this is the truth.
You know your life by the fruits that it bears. There is no version of reality that is truer.
Your life and your consciousness proves out and the sooner that you stop trying to explain it away and make excuses the sooner you can get to the place of having a “decided mind.”

A decided mind redirects one's attention and focus to that which is good and life-fulfilling.
You can choose to go the psychological root that your life is a shambles for a 1000 different reasons, memories and hurts - if you want. This is a belief that says you are what you were. In this consciousness you are stuck repeating history BUT this is NOT who YOU are. It is not, I say! You are the composite of your current time intentions, choices and ATTENTION.

Where is your attention? That is a question worthy of pondering over and over again. Tell your mind, your subconscious that you choose to be a NOW being, a here being and declare that whatever was has the luxury of hanging back in your memory never again to have any current time power. This is the beauty of being a conscious, intelligent being. This is cause for celebration.

Align yourself with Spirit and Spirit will pour itself out – in – and through you – in all ways – always. Your very breath is the breath of God, of Spirit, of Freedom, Life, Energy – breathe it in. Accept.

With love,
Michelle
www.cslnj.org

Divine Appointments

I have found in my life that some of the most Divine Appointments that I’ve had, have nothing to do with the length of time that I connect with someone or even who that someone is. These profound moments last a few moments, a few months or can be captured in a glance. I’m sure that you have one or more of that kind friend that you hardly ever see but whenever you connect it is like no time passed.
A week ago I was walking in the small town of Lititz, PA and as I was getting out of my car I looked up to see a gentleman on a high ladder meticulously painting the trim on the outside of a chapel that belonged to one of the local Moravian Girls colleges. As I glanced up I said to him, “Wow, you’re a man on a mission.” You could see his caring from the ground. Well he turned to me with this huge smile and said, “Yes, yes I am.”
After going into the store that I was there to visit, we returned and spoke again at which time he came down off of his ladder to offer a tour of the inside of the chapel and the work that he had also completed inside. He was so proud and so humble, a truly beautiful being.
In the few moments that I spent with this sweet man whose name is Chris, time suspended itself and I was having a wonderfully “now” experience. It felt safe and raw and so authentic. We continued to converse and I did tell him that I am a minister and explained how much I appreciate seeing the inside of all churches. I have no doubt that we will both remember this short time and each other. Something happened in that time. Something changed; I was changed, enriched – not unlike falling in love but in love with Spirit that resides in him.
Thank you Chris, to who you are and your open heart.
So, I have one question: what was the quality that made this moment possible and how can it be replicated at will?

No More Excuses

I swear, I did not know about Wayne Dyer's new book when I came up with this title for my Sunday Celebration, of Sunday, June 21st. But I am amused as to how often ideas, thoughts, themes find their way into the collective unconscious and how many individuals if they are listening will tune in at the same time.
BTW, in case you want to check my Center: http://www.cslnj.org/

Whenever I hear someone else and especially myself begin to explain why I did or did not accomplish something, a task, a phone call - anything - I have begun to recognize how incredibly impotent I am when I live life from excuse to excuse. So I have been looking at taking away the reasons and the excuses and replacing them with greater intention. When I set my very real and powerful intention in motion, I know that worlds open up to support me. Yes, I am giving up excuses and moving toward greater and greater integrity.

Not the moral type of integrity, simply the type that says that I will do, complete and follow through on my word. I am choosing to be my word. More and more, as much as possible. And what I know is this: when I am willing to take responsibility for my world, and stand in true authentic power than there is no where else in the world that I would rather stand.

What are the seeds of violence?

This blog offering is a response to my renewed/old friend Jerry DeMarco's article in the Examiner about a beat cop in Passaic.

The seeds of violence that produce the fruits of abuse, violence in the home, war and all manner of crime are not hard to find, to track and to understand. What is difficult is the processing of uprooting the violent seeds and replacing them with seeds of love, patience, peace and an abundance of compassion.

Just think about the conditions that must exist, that would allow ANY human being to hurt, harm and do damage to any other human. Think about what must exist and what must be missing. Some time back I hit a deer while going home one night, it got up and ran off but I am sure it was hurt. I was sick to my stomach knowing that I harmed this beautiful creature. Having said that, I cannot imagine raising a hand to purposefully harm another.

But we know that this level and frequency of violence exists and so it would behoove us to understand its roots so we can be on the lookout for it and rework the formula.


The evidence of violence exists where the seeds of self-love, self-acceptance and connection with all other humans have not been properly propagated. In the places in life where we move in communion with one another, in a rhythm and syncopation, we rarely do harm. But one of the main seeds of violence is the belief that we are separate from one another and out of that belief is the overall belief that "they are against me." Anywhere we are measuring anything by means of us and them, separation begins. Anywhere where we are consumed with the me, me, me, my, my, my and more, more, more, there in that mindset grows greed, separation and looking out for number one.


The seeds that need to be propagated are the seeds of: we are all ONE, there is no private good, when anyone succeeds - all succeed, no one is against me and so much more. Violence cannot exist in these places. Violence exists because of fear, pain and wounds. But if take time to heal those wounds, to relieve the pain and to release the fear, then suddenly and what might seem miraculously what appears is a sense of peace and a foundation of possibility.


I feel deeply for the victims of crime and violence but I also feel for the perpetrators because of what conditions exist inside of them that made room for this possibility. If you care and if you want to make a difference, healing begins with planting, watering and fertilizing the seeds of love, acceptance and compassion first with yourself, then at home, at work and in your community. WE WHO CARE MUST BE THE CHANGE, there is no one else.

Those Darn Emotions

I am all for "honoring" the emotions, I am, truly. But there is a subculture within this society that can seen more and more and it is eating away at the fiber of us humans showing up as powerful and available. This subculture is made up by individuals who are led by, distracted by and governed by their EMOTIONS. Oh yes, those lovely emotions that so often we confuse with intuition and that we think we can do nothing about.

Not being able to do something about them is simply not true. But first let's see if we can identify what they are so we know what we are talking about. (By the way, I am clear that my opinion is not new at all and has been taught by many teachers greater than myself, this is simply my take from my experience.) Our feelings are a measurement - yes truly that's what they are. They are a barometer for who we HAVE been. Your emotions are a signal for when you are tip toeing on past issues, pains, wounds and history. Clearly I am talking about feelings of grief, pain, anger, fear, jealousy etc. We focus on and separate out these emotions because when these emotions are present our energy is sabotaged, decreased and sets up a toxic inner landscape that leads to ill health, discord and dis-ease - physical, mental, and spiritual.

These (negative) emotions exist at a very low vibration so it is easy for them to exist in the world as we know it. It is when we want to lift ourselves up and increase the vibration that greater energy is required. At a higher vibratory rate, trash (error thinking) cannot stay connected and hang on. Low level emotions on the other hand are available to anyone who has not trained their minds to be strong.

Now, let's go back to my opening. Living life at the mercy of one’s emotions is like trying to sail a boat without a rudder. Impossible! Our feelings must be honored because we are human – beautifully human. Yeah, wonderful, hip, hip, hooray. (some Jersey sarcasm) It is part of what creates our sensitivity and magnificence. Through our sensitivity and depth of compassion, we move into our experience of the ONE. BUT, being driven by our emotions is comparative to putting a five year old behind the wheel of a Mack truck – not a good idea. Let’s acknowledge that we are Spirit having a human experience and work through the limitations of our humanness so we can embrace our stronger divine entity.

I suggest that we take all measures necessary to learn how to rise above their influence and hold on us.

How do we go about doing this, transforming this crippling experience into one of expansion and liberation?

We begin by noticing them and what prompted them – ask yourself this: Where is this feeling coming from; is it familiar, and does it empower or dis-empower me? Then it is our turn to be loving, patient and gentle as we look upon them. And we then do whatever is necessary. And what is the way, well you get to decide, there are thousands of “ways and paths” and not just one way.

One thing I do know is this: we can actually use our higher, lighter, vibrational feelings to redirect and lift the lower, heavier, slower vibrational feelings. Use whatever method you know or ask a friend or pick up one of thousands of books on the subject but don’t for a second underestimate the value of NOT LIVING AT THE MERCY OF YOUR EMOTIONS. We are so much more than that and when we create an elevated point of view then we can take a stand for the world and help to heal what is happening all around us simply by being healed and whole.

The generator of Love

I am a lover. I love deeply, profoundly and completely. I forgive easy and accept what sometimes appears to be the unacceptable. This is who I choose to be. This is my calling card and hopefully what I am remembered for. I am, however, absolutely clear that although I generate my love from my beingness, the true source of it is not the small me, it is the I AM OF ME. That I am is the I am of Spirit, the universal I am. I know this because I know that no one person could possibly contain the same amount of love that one can be available for.
Being available for love to move through you is not the same as containing it. Being a container of love is not the same as containing all of it. When you are truly willing to BE love itself, it is with the awareness that something huge is happening in you and THROUGH you. I am grateful to have this awareness because then I will never allow myself to be fooled regarding the source of this good.

But here in lies the problem.

When individuals come into my company and experience the love that is present very often they think that it is "me". If they have not moved into the awareness of its true source, then they will be distracted by the human form from which the love is physically emanating and do not realize that it couldn't possibly be contained in that human form.
I love when the love that I exude is noticed and appreciated but this must be known, IT IS NOT ME except by means of my willingness. On the same note, if I notice It in another, it is not their love that I am feeling. What is happening is that we are in RESONANCE.

When you are in the company of someone with whom you feel this amount of love, it is imperative that you know that YOU ARE THE REASON YOU ARE EXPERIENCING IT. Love responds to love and if you are not aware of the imprint of love within you than you could possibly think that it is outside and separate and IT IS NOT. When you see beauty in the world, it is because beauty resides in you. When you see compassion and human connection, it is because your caring exists in you and you are simply seeing the confirmation in the world. We live in a time when individuals are stepping away from their old religious experience, more and more primarily because their inner beauty, joy, power, love and so much more is not supported. Spiritual and religious leaders are busy taking credit or at the very least not redirecting one's attention to its true source.

How about this idea for a "new religion", a "new spirituality"? The knowledge that the true source of all good and all love is always available to each of us in complete form and we do not have to do anything to deserve it. Now that is a religion that I can live with. Only when we recognize the beauty, power and love of all other beings equal to our own, only then we will be truly free.

Faith in Action

I have three sons and this past weekend my 26 year old son, Keith, took my 13 year old son, Seth, for a four day, three night, hike along the Appalachian Trail. It was my job to drive them to the drop off point on Friday morning. So we traveled a little more then two hours north into New York State and "somewhere" along a dead end, dirt road, I let my two sons and the dog out and drove off waving good bye.

Well, as you can imagine thoughts of them came regularly throughout the weekend but the beauty of where I am in my life right now is that every time a thought came a long that felt a little like worry, I simply affirmed: they are guided, guarded and protected. (Thank you Dr. Karen Kushner for that verbiage) Each time that I returned to being more mindful, my practice of faith became stronger; and I became more confident in the Oneness of this glorious Universe.

Being a mother has been one of the biggest inspirations to date for me to "Be" the practice that I talk about by being in full application at all times. The application that I am referring to is my Faith that life is basically good and always in my favor. Early in motherhood we make the mistake of thinking that we are in charge; but once a level of spiritual maturity sets in we get in touch with the reality that control is an illusion. For those of us who have children that are old enough to move away from home we really get in touch with this illusion of control in a big way. There are numerous opportunities to discover that sometimes all you can do is pray and that my friends is what gets me through this life.

Thank God for my sons and the lessons that motherhood has brought. I am changed forever and this is a good thing.
Blessings,
Michelle

The Awe of Intentionality

There is quite a lot of information these days available regarding the power of intention, setting intentions and living by them. What I don't think has been brought out though about living an Intentional Life is the sense of ease and grace that it translates into in one's life.

Living a life of profound intentionality is not the same as goal setting which it is often confused with. In order to live a life of intentionality, you must begin first with making a good assessment of your life right now and then identify the places where you are not living or acting in accordance with whom you want to be in the world. Sometimes we miss some of the signs that we are out of "accord" or out of "integrity". Through spiritual practices and gentle processes we are able to elevate our way of "being" and in turn become more available to the essence that begins to move through us more freely. When we provide the room and the willingness for this essence to move through us, It simply does. This process for some is long and arduous, for others it is gentle, remember you can choose gentle.

Now we are ready to live an Intentional Life, one where we live from our character, from whom we want to be in the world and the effect that we want to have on the world around us. Life in this fashion begins to flow with such ease and grace and it is here that you get to experience the awe. The awe grows in the soil of gratitude so the more we notice the more it multiplies. Enjoy the awe of intentional living.

Freedom Reigns

This is my Center's monthly affirmation.
Enjoy!

As I unify with Spirit I utilize my spiritual practices for the purpose of healing and being revealed. I claim more freedom each and every day because of my mindfulness practices. Every day that I pray and every day that I sit in silence and meditation I rise above the human element of upset, strife and limitation. With God as my partner, the path to greater freedom is open and available. I celebrate my freedom by sharing who I am. Yes, freedom reigns.

Memorial Day

Today I am steeped in thoughts of my brother Carl Wadleigh who left us young in the Viet Nam War. He was misidentified and buried in the wrong man's grave for twenty-five years. When discovered the Army did the right thing by bringing him home and giving him a full military burial with all the dressings in Arlington Cemetery in Washington.

Now his name is on the wall and on the Viet Nam memorial in Jersey City.

I have three sons. May I never know the pain of them having to pick up a gun and point it at another human being. When will we WAKE UP and realize that what we've been doing doesn't work and the only thing that can create peace is Peace itself. Why is this such a mystery to those in charge. Let's do within our government what we would do for ourselves - make amends, say I'm sorry, clean up the problem and communication and have set an intention to lay down all arms, cease the creation of new destructive products and make nice.

I declare that it is possible for us to know Global Peace in this lifetime NOW.