Moms

You are young and you are old.

Your role was by choice, and then sometimes it was not.

You had a choice, you said yes, and life for you was never the same again.

You had a choice, you said no, and life for you was never the same again.

You tried and you tried to receive that seed, and you questioned why not. You watch the mothers around you, and you continue to wonder why not? Why not me? Sadness, grief, and loss fill you.

You looked and you saw faces that needed to be loved so you made room in your heart, in your mind, and in your home. You didn’t have much, but you shared it anyway.

You said yes, and delivered to you was not the bouncing baby that you expected, but one who didn’t measure up, who wasn’t the same, who would grow you, stretch you and have you cry in the night.

You took him to the doctor, you fed him vitamins, you tucked him in at night, and sent him to school in the morning, but he didn’t see that car coming, and he didn’t know to protect himself from that drunk driver. You say goodbye.

You took all the right precautions, you taught her to protect herself, to say no, never to drive with strangers, but you didn’t know the evil was already under your roof. You say goodbye to innocence and wrap your arms around her and never let go.

You get up morning after morning, after a late night, with a fever, and put food on the table, say I love you, and go into your cave and pray. Pray for guidance, for protection, and for tons of patience.

Then they age, and gather opinions— opinions about you. They don’t always remember the little things, the tough things, the thousands of hours of care, but they will remember what you said wrong or did wrong or what you forgot. And you love them anyway.

Then you look back and wish you had done more, given more, loved more, angered less, and you pray for forgiveness.

You are young and you are old, but your heart is the heart of a mother, the one ancient mother, the one who will rise again, will love again. You are of the infinite essence of the maternal, guided by the wisdom that is a millennium old, you are Mother.