Home from Maui

A few days ago, I was walking a sacred labyrinth on the coast of Maui, which is located on the edge of a sacred Hawaiian burial ground; beautiful rocks, a calm ocean of breath-taking color, a calm, cloudless sky, and whales¾whales playing, blowing and breaching as they showed off for those who would stand still long enough to watch.

Together with a group of ministerial friends, we walked in total silence and the silence remains with me now. Whenever I participate in an activity such as this, it reawakens in me a place that exists at my core. The fullness that I feel is almost overwhelming; at the least, it expands my heart and brings tears of joy to my eyes.

Walking in the company of seven ministerial friends and comrades who traveled from all over the United States to gather, pray, vision and design an experience to satisfy our ministerial field. Together we cooked and laughed and processed and allowed spirit to inform our being. I am so incredibly grateful for being elected to serve on this committee of individuals.

But more than being happy about this team, I am simply so glad to be called to the service that I give. My position offers me a unique role in life that is unlike many others. Each day, I am called to be a witness to the private lives of people in their darkest and their most joyous hours. This up-close-and-personal view alternates between being appreciated and resented. When I am doing my job well, it is because I bring to the table my intuition and my ability to see the truth. But there is a very thin line between students and congregants wanting to be seen, and feeling horrified when I am able to see things that they were hoping to hide.

The saddest part of this is that, If people realized that the more open, available and authentic they are, and the more visible and transparent they are, they would see how much more beautiful they are

This is true at the core of each, even though I sometimes have to pass by some of the ugliness of their humanity: when it is pure and unprotected, it has a beauty to it unlike anything else. True authenticity allows the witness to see not only the end result, but the path to that end result, and when you are able to see the entire thing, all you have left is elegance. Pure, beautiful, human elegance

This up-close-and-personal view holds for me the same kind of experience that the labyrinth walk on the coast of Maui provided. Both have an exquisite harmony and beauty to them and my heart feels the beauty and the healing of being a witness to this. I am so grateful.

Sometimes you choose

This is something that I wrote after having to make a decision to be part of something that mattered to me very much. The choice came at the birth of my new relationship and so I had to choose to either nurture my new love or my interest. As you can see, love won out!

Oh god, what a trickster you are.
You bring a love to me that moves
   my heart and soul and then you ask me
   to have patience.
You open my heart and tell me to wait.
You show me what’s possible as my
   fullest expression and then lead me to
   have to choose.
Well, I have your number; I see what
   you’re up to.
You wanted to see if love would be my first choice.
You tempted me with an opportunity that would have me
   look like I am worthy and then you place this
   love in front of me to show me that I am worthy.
I have chosen love. I have chosen your gift. I have
   chosen this sweet expression of good, of love.
Have I passed your test?
Have I chosen correctly?
I say yes, and I accept the fully orbed experience
   of this decision.

As Love Unfolds

           The dust has settled and my feet are grounded again—thank God—but they most definitely have settled on higher, more luscious ground. Even after being single for as long as I was, which was shocking to me to begin with, I never identified myself as an individual that "would be without a man." Truth be told, I needed to be alone, and I needed to be alone for as long as I was.

In that alone time, I grew strong, faithful and confident; not so much in myself, but in the God of me, and I learned that I was capable in so many more areas then I could ever imagine. Mostly though I learned how to handle the pain of upset, disappointment and loneliness, and in learning how to navigate through those emotional waters, I became someone that someone would want to be with.

I left behind many tendencies that quite honestly are simply unattractive. I was never one to play the delicate woman who always needed a man, but I was needy in order to feel complete, and that is something that just does not live inside me anymore, anywhere. At this juncture, I bring the all of me to my relationship—to my man—but not out of a need for completion, but out of a desire to share my life, my fullness, my love and the expansion of my consciousness.

With all this being said, there is still a lot to learn. In an earlier blog, I declared that the me that I am has never been in a relationship, and that is so true; but because I am dealing with a new me, my old references are gone, the games are gone, and the automatic anything is gone. I live in a constant state of who am I, how do I feel about this and how would I like to proceed. The good news is that everything that transpires within my relationship is a definite reflection of feeling worthy to have this abundant love and man in my life. I bring a level of honesty and compassion that I used to save for people I didn’t know. How crazy is that? (Do you ever find that you are nicer to strangers than those living under your own roof?)

Since life never stops being life, there are things and feelings to handle and respond to; there is that dance that new lovers do that is a bit clumsy as they are each trying to learn the dance steps of that particular team. Staying awake and aware are key here, and the single most important thing that I hold onto in every moment is this: I am okay no matter what. A few years ago, I finally got the total and complete meaning of the spiritual truth that is taught: no one is against you. I will forever remember when this became true to the core of my being, and so why would this be different within an intimate relationship? It’s not: it still remains true and it carries me within our investigations of each other.

So here’s where I am: in love, in spiritual practice, in greater love, in greater spiritual practice and then, yes, in greater love. My love grows from my grounding in Truth, God and Unconditional Love. So love is unfolding, one sweet, delicious petal at a time, as it opens itself, exposing its fragrance and delicate ways. There can only be once response—thank you, thank you, thank you. And this process begs me to constantly remember that the love I am so thoroughly engaging in is the love that I bring to the experience, because I worked my butt off to learn how to love and accept myself as I am. And this love, lover and loving relationship is most definitely an out-picturing of my consciousness.

By the way, none of this truth takes away from the fact that I happen to be in love with an amazing, sensitive, awake human who is willing to meet me in the fire of transformation. For those of you who know me personally, how could I have had it any other way?

All my love,

Michelle

               

The Life of a Dust Particle

They danced about in the light as the sun was shining through the window. Each particle of dust with its own life, space and substance. Reflecting light, that to a degree, added light to the room. Each floating in their own space, freely moving about. Are they aware of their own existence? Are they the microcosm to our world as the macrocosm? Is there life there on that little particle? Does each wonder about its purpose for being? Are we like those particles of dust; the microcosm to the macrocosm of the universe? How insignificant the particle appears from afar? But what life does it contain?
What life do we contain?