Have you ever been in midst of pure, unadulterated feeling; a feeling so pure that you can’t quite put a name on it, a feeling that isn’t good or not good? It is just feeling. I have. It seems to happen when I am in a place of openness and availability. One of those times when I’m choosing to be fully present to unedited version of life.
It is safe to say that the holidays or as I like to refer to them the Holy season is often a time that provides all of the necessary conditions for this experience. You know what I mean, you watch all of your favorite old movies, the ones that make you laugh and cry at the same time. You look at pictures of seasons past and memories come wafting to your mind or you smell something baking and in that moment you are returned to your mother’s or grandmother’s kitchen.
Sometimes I experience a feeling as the result of judgment, upon me, of course. There is a sadness that comes at the moment when I am busy pondering the totality of my life. The fact is, that I have tried to do the best that I can throughout my life, I have. Yet, it appears that so much of my best has left a trail of wrong doing, sadness and regret that no matter how fast I run or what I do now, will not wash away the stain of who I have been. Or so it seems in the midst of it.
On the other hand, sometimes this feeling is the result of me pondering my future and my goals. These ponderances bring a feeling of hope and a sense of possibility and then I am filled to overflowing with these emotions. As I sit in gratitude for love, intimate love, motherly love, and self-love, deep emotions begin to well up once again.
Isn’t it wonderful that we – spiritual beings having this human experience – get to FEEL? I am so grateful for my ability to feel without shrinking back or hiding. Do you let yourself feel? Do you free yourself to be in that visceral experience that dares your heart to open? I know it is scary, I do. I’m scared, but only for moments because I remind myself immediately to be present to what is right now. In this present moment, there is no judgment, no requirements, no need to be different in any way. For this now is truly always perfect.
For me transparency is extrememly important; the reason why will remain mine for the moment, but it still remains important. So at the risk of exposing myself a bit too much, I write and I publish this blog. Hopefully it supports you and your freedom. Much love to you throughout this Holy Season. May you feel fully alive and may you feel safe feeling it in its raw and beautiful state.
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