Feeling the All of Life

Have you ever been in midst of pure, unadulterated feeling; a feeling so pure that you can’t quite put a name on it, a feeling that isn’t good or not good? It is just feeling. I have. It seems to happen when I am in a place of openness and availability. One of those times when I’m choosing to be fully present to unedited version of life.

It is safe to say that the holidays or as I like to refer to them the Holy season is often a time that provides all of the necessary conditions for this experience. You know what I mean, you watch all of your favorite old movies, the ones that make you laugh and cry at the same time. You look at pictures of seasons past and memories come wafting to your mind or you smell something baking and in that moment you are returned to your mother’s or grandmother’s kitchen.

Sometimes I experience a feeling as the result of judgment, upon me, of course. There is a sadness that comes at the moment when I am busy pondering the totality of my life. The fact is, that I have tried to do the best that I can throughout my life, I have. Yet, it appears that so much of my best has left a trail of wrong doing, sadness and regret that no matter how fast I run or what I do now, will not wash away the stain of who I have been. Or so it seems in the midst of it.

On the other hand, sometimes this feeling is the result of me pondering my future and my goals. These ponderances bring a feeling of hope and a sense of possibility and then I am filled to overflowing with these emotions. As I sit in gratitude for love, intimate love, motherly love, and self-love, deep emotions begin to well up once again.

Isn’t it wonderful that we – spiritual beings having this human experience – get to FEEL? I am so grateful for my ability to feel without shrinking back or hiding. Do you let yourself feel? Do you free yourself to be in that visceral experience that dares your heart to open? I know it is scary, I do. I’m scared, but only for moments because I remind myself immediately to be present to what is right now. In this present moment, there is no judgment, no requirements, no need to be different in any way. For this now is truly always perfect.

For me transparency is extrememly important; the reason why will remain mine for the moment, but it still remains important. So at the risk of exposing myself a bit too much, I write and I publish this blog. Hopefully it supports you and your freedom. Much love to you throughout this Holy Season. May you feel fully alive and may you feel safe feeling it in its raw and beautiful state.

I'd like to introduce you to someone - me!

This woman standing before you has never been in relationship before. Truly, she hasn’t, not ever. Although her years are not few, she is new to life in relationship. Her hearing is fresh and can hear only words of love. Her speech is new and refined and can only speak and report from an expanded point of view.  The words that fall forth from her mouth are loving and tender. Her eyes dance over the surface of everything as she sees Truth and is in constant awe of perfection.

Oh, this woman, is the very activity of love and so brings this to all aspects of her life but mostly to her relationship. She brings an open heart as she fearlessly strides forward toward the open arms of her other and she is received with equal receptivity. This newness is birthed from her new mind, her healed heart and a willingness to receive a full portion of good as determined by her birthright.

No, this woman has never been in relationship before. This woman will not be defined by any wounds, stories or old ideas; for now is her only time and here her only place. Her lover receives this untainted expression and meets it with his open and healed heart, his open and free mind and his wide open arms.

This is a virgin relationship, brought together in consciousness, and supported by an endless flow of love and joy and humor. Oh, how a new and untainted mind creates such beauty. No stories that matter. No wounds that distract. There is only choice and peace and loving intention.

So let me introduce you to this new woman who has never been in relationship before, it is me, I am here and I am walking in love, being love. Thank you God for transforming all the aspects of me that made this possible.

The distraction of passion

Yes, I normally use this blog as an outreach for my spirituality and a way to vent but sometimes something else moves me. Hey, its my blog anyway.

She decided to be available, so she opened her heart.
She decided to let love in, so she opened her heart.
Once her heart was open, creation began.
Once her heart was open, she prepared to feel.
As the feelings began to flow, her world changed form.
As the feelings began to flow, her world sped up.
But she remembered a promise she made to herself,
   she would maintain her equilibrium, she would stay
   grounded even while tantalized, distracted and consumed
   by passion.
As her promise was kept, her heart remained open, love showed up,
   and creation ensued. But grounded she remained as she
   returned to the deepest place of love - her love.
So - her heart remained open, and love rushed in, and
   feelings exploded, and creativity poured forth as
   grounded she stayed in her god, in her way, in the
   most intimate sanctuary of all, her heart.
And this was good, for her cup was full and her lover
   could drink of her fullness.
Intoxicated they both fell into a dance of ecstasy.